UGH!

So, the CRAP has arrived.  It is sprawled all over my dining room and it reminds me of the torture instruments you see in those old black and white "B" movies..   I had them put it there because I did not want to see it in my bed room - not yet, anyway.  The CRAP Crew was early, too!!  I wasn't prepared..  I wasn't ready!   And I was quite annoyed..  I know they are just doing their jobs and I treated them with tender loving care - but inside I was just crying...  During the demonstration and explanations I am sure I had that clueless, blank stare that the kids would have when being lectured about poor grades..  "what..."  UGH!!  I am sooooooo depressed!!!  Where is that swarm of angry bees when you need them?!?!?

The CRAP is still sitting where they left it in the dining room over 2 hours ago - I just left it there, walked away and called the Hubs.  I then cried my eyes out.  Big old wet tears all over the phone..  Bags are still strewn all over my table, tubes are dangling, the mask still wrapped in its plastic protective wrapping, papers, instruction manuals, wires - yep, it's all still there.  Walking down the stairs into the dining room feels like I am walking to the guillotine..  Long and slow, bells tolling in the background..  bong...  bong...  I have even taken the time to balance my checkbook (double check my figures, too!) and clean my bathroom so that I wouldn't have to look at it!  How is THAT for putting things off!

The Hubs suggested that I put signs and photos of what my goals are on the oxygen machine.  He suggested a picture of a "road" - that this is the road that will take me to where I need and want to be.  This is something new - when did HE get so "crafty"???   I think I may just try that little head trick, who knows, it might just work...  If anything, it should prove to be a fun project - we shall see.  I'll be honest with you though..  I'm not really motivated or in the mood right now to do ANYTHING to "The Thing", except maybe chuck it into the pond!!  Make it "swim with the fishes"!  But, reality will eventually take over my brain and so will the thought that I need to do this for at least a few months so that Aetna will pay for it.

Alright, so I guess I'll just take that long, lonely walk to the guillotine now and at least clean the garbage up - or as my Mom used to say "red-up" - so that the room looks like a dining room once again rather than the respiratory therapy department at the local hospital. 

Wish me luck..
..Until next time