First I would like to welcome all of our lovely
B.O.O.B.S. home from what sounds like an amazing weekend! Fear not, fellow bloggers - those of us chosen to be "designated bloggers" kept blog-land neat and tidy during your absence! Everything here is just as you left it - and you were
all sorely missed!!
Preconceived Notions... On Saturday I had written a post confessing,
shame on me, that I do not own a belt. I guess what that all boils down to is that as a larger woman, I just hated buying belts. Hated it. That wretched number on the tag of the belt at the store read simply "FAT" - not a number, just "FAT".. So... like many other things I don't want to own up to, I would put the belt back. Hence, no belts. Besides, I really didn't need a belt - my ample stomach was more than enough to hold those slacks into place - and not having a belt meant not having to loosen it after a large meal, good plan at the time... OK, back to the post and preconceived notions. I was getting dressed to attend a funeral mass and put on my standard, all purpose black slacks - only to find they were falling off my derriere. I needed a belt and borrowed the Hub's.. When I absentmindedly grabbed the slacks, it never occurred to me that they wouldn't fit - I do not see myself as being one ounce smaller than I was two months ago.. Oh, I see the numbers on the scale, I make sure to see them every day. But I don't see
me as being that number.. I subconsciously assume that everything I have still fits because I haven't changed. I've purchased a few pieces of clothing (obviously not slacks or a belt though) since losing some weight, but I still end up in the women's department - and have not bought a different size.. Robyn, from
Robyn's Nest was so kind to ask me in her comment on my previous post what size pants I need.. Thank you Robyn! To answer that question, I first need to admit that I have no idea what size pants, tops, shoes - anything - that I wear.. Secondly, I need to realize that whatever that size is, it is
not the size I wore on June 30, 2011 - the day before my liquid diet began before surgery. Are there support groups for body blindness???
Digging deeper into the old psyche (cue eerie music).. Soooo many - too many to count - times in the past I've lost weight. After losing what seemed like tons of weight I would run out and gleefully purchase new and wonderful clothes to reflect my new and improved body - only to eventually gain back the weight. Sadly, and with disgust in myself, I then give away my wonderful new clothing to more deserving (in my mind) skinny women.. Could this be why I've not reevaluated the size conundrum? Perhaps....
I guess what is needed is a day of retail therapy. I need to take a day to myself, go to a department store and actually
try on clothing. I've not done that in years. I've not tried clothing on in
YEARS, people! Fitting rooms.. I've always hated the little rooms, the overly bright lights, the mirrors that show every flaw, every roll - everything... Just like the belt thing, trying on clothing, alone in that little room, exposed something I didn't want to own up to - so I avoided it at all cost. I never looked at tags except to check the price. If I could drape it around me in the store, it fit. Some preconceived notions are hard to let go of though. To get the most out of my day of retail therapy, I need to look -
really look - and
see. I need to
see that regardless of what size that tag may say, it does not reflect who I am, it is simply a number. That number does not measure how healthy I am feeling, or how good losing this weight has been for me. I am
NOT the number.
A new world is beginning to emerge around me. It is up to me to see it. Self evaluation - it's a good thing...
Have a terrific week!!
Until Next Time!
