I am involved in a sticky situation - a dilemma - that maybe you can help me with. If it weren't so serious an issue, it would be listed under B in the "bizarre" file.. I have a friend, M. She has serious psychological issues - very serious. I don't know what happened in her past, but it is so terribly sad to see a human being so paranoid and afraid of everyone and everything. She really believes that everyone she comes in contact with is out to hurt her, undermine her, or usurp her "authority" as a parent and as a person. I am not sure how we came to be friends, but we did. I think I felt sorry that no one really spoke to her, avoided her - and she always looked so sad, so lonely. She attends my Church and that is where we first met. We talked, had lunch a few times, and became friends. I couldn't understand why everyone avoided her, but as the friendship grew, her psychological issues kept creeping more and more into our friendship. It got to the point that I became the only one (even out of her her immediate family) that she would talk to.
Some background.... She and her husband have four children. Three sons, who have grown and have gotten as far away from home as possible. Her oldest son went into the marines and now lives close to DC. Her other two sons have gone to college and have now moved hours away from home - they've gotten as far away from home as they possibly could. Their remaining child, a daughter, ran away from home about a year ago - and has done so several times since then. She spent time in a hospital, and is now in foster care - CYS got involved and there is a court order which bars her parents from seeing her. Throughout all this, I've remained close to M, and have allowed her to use me as her shoulder to cry on, her confidant, and her friend. Now that doesn't mean that I took any of her nonsense - we had several arguments during this awful time, mostly due to her over-protectiveness and her inability to allow her daughter to become a grown woman - she insists that her daughter is still a little girl who needs protection from all the ills that are out in the "evil" world, and I insisted that if she didn't allow her to grow, she too would run far away from her as soon as she turned 18 - which is in three months - as her brothers had done.
Here is where the shit hit the proverbial fan... About the time that the daughter (MC) ran away from home, she (MC) sent me a friend request on facebook. She has called me a few times as well, and we have had some wonderful girly conversations (clothes, jewlry, homecoming dances, boyfriends...). I accepted her friend request and have taken her calls because I feel that maybe she just needs a woman to talk to - one who doesn't judge her, her friends, her choices of music or her thoughts. Just one who listens... And, just as I've kept her mother's conversations confidential, I have kept MC's conversations with me confidential as well - girl to girl. I would do this for any young person who needed an adult to talk to, and MC is a special woman - I have a place in my heart for that one because I see the good in her, and want to help her in anyway that I can.. Anyway, M - her mother - found out recently that I have been friends with her daughter and was speaking to her "behind my back and without my express permission to do so" - her words. She flipped on me - completely and totally flipped - in
CHURCH of all places - right there, in front of the Tabernacle, she went absolutely and positively crazy this past weekend... She just went berserk and went off on me.. After she went through her red faced and bulging eyed dialogue, I calmly told her (M) that in no uncertain terms that she, nor anyone else, has the right or authority to dictate whom I or anyone else - and that includes her daughter - may choose as friends either on facebook or anywhere else - get over it... I also said that if she thought, after all this time we've been friends, that I would do anything to intentionally hurt her or her daughter she was OUT OF HER MIND!! She stormed off and we haven't spoken since.
I will admit that my initial reaction was to throttle her right then and there - but I kept my cool.. Now I'm feeling soooo guilty that I told her she was "out of her mind" and to "get over it".. But, for all intents and purposes - she
is out of her mind.. My saying so probably didn't help her any though.. I've spoken to her husband awhile back, and he told that he has taken her to doctor after doctor. She does well at first, but the minute things start to heat up she says they're hurting her and she quits going to therapy and quits taking her medicine. I've spoken to her about getting therapy to help her AND her family - only to be unfairly accused by her of being like everyone one else in saying that their problems are all
her fault and no one elses - just like everyone else, I'm blaming her. They
are her fault I feel, but throughout this whole ordeal, I just tried to be her friend...
I've taken so much of her crap, her wild mood swings, her yelling, her ups, her downs - WAY downs, for over two years. On the surface she is a gentle soul who looks and acts as though she needs protection and care, that she needs a friend.. Inside she is full of hateful rage and anger and explodes at the first inclination that anyone may be doubting her. I know she needs psychological help and I've tried to steer her in that direction. I've tried.. Lord knows I've tried to be her friend.. It would be easy for me to just say "to hell with you" and walk away - and I've wanted to do so for such a long time.. But, there is a part of me that understands that mental illness is a sickness just like any other sickness - and should be dealt with with care, concern and compassion.. I feel that I am letting her down, making the matter worse, or hurting her more than she has already been hurt.. It is an awful feeling, and I don't like feeling this way at all. Help..... What would you do??
I'm off to ponder some more......
...Until next time
It was pretty quiet around here today. I'm tracking my food and activities just as the Dr ordered. I've been using "Fit Day" to keep track of everything and found that it's a pretty good site. Being the complete nerd that I am, I find that the pie charts are the highlight of my entries. Seeing the charts really puts everything that I eat and do into a much different perspective. I can see it - in color! And seeing my progress, or lack there of, is really showing me where I think I should be heading. Put the Jujube's down, put the Jujube's down! 
This project began as I began my journey into exploring lap band surgery. I had read some good advise about keeping a journal and making sure that I kept close records of dates, appointments, yadda, yadda.. I love writing journals, and have kept journals for years.. I thought this could be an interesting project - to write my journal on healthier living online. What began for me as a journaling project has blossomed into an incredible experience. I love having my cuppa of fresh brewed Starbucks, logging on, reading blogs, leaving comments and messages, supporting and being supported. Connecting with you has become one of the highlights that I look forward to! To me, I am having coffee with friends - and I thank you! 
I double dare you to get that dern song out of your head now!! Hahaha - I've been singing that damned song since my new Rheumatologist ordered more blood work and x-rays! He scrapped the old meds I was taking and gave me a pharmacy of new ones to take.. I'm going to start rattling when I walk, if this keeps up...
Last Friday, I told you that I had eleven vials of blood taken for the Bariatric doc - today I had seven... If they wanted me to donate a pint of blood all they would have had to do was ask!! Now I need to have x-rays. The Bariatric doc odered a front and back chest x-ray, the Rheumatologist ordered my hands, feet, hips, back, neck and shoulders.. Soo.. "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes...." Early next month is the upper GI, and and EKG.. Is there any part of this body of mine that hasn't been poked, prodded, zapped with nuclear material or extracted lately?? I don't think so.. Uhm.... maybe my TEETH! No one has poked around there lately - but be quiet about that one though - don't need to add a dental appointment into the mix anytime soon!! Hubs says that if I were a horse, he'd have to shoot me! Nothing like a little familial support to help me through this!
So, those are more hoops that have been officially jumped through. Next Tuesday I am scheduled to meet with the Nutritional Specialist - and will probably have my x-rays and EKG done while I'm up there. I think the hardest part about all this is keeping it all straight - what tests go to whom, when I should have them, where I should have them, and keeping my fingers crossed that the right test ends up with the right doc! I can't imagine my Rheumatologist would have much use for chest x-rays and breath test results for H. pylori. I think that would be an excellent service to offer - a medical concierge! One who keeps all this straight and tells me where I need to be and when! I think I just invented something......
Food intake has been decent these past few days.. I've been working really hard to chew more, to eat slower, and trying to keep an eye on what exactly goes into my mouth. I've been sticking to normal portions of chicken and fish - Hubs makes the most incredible tilapia (with pine nuts, tomatoes and roasted onion) - we had some tonight! I will admit to a slight set back today though. I was having my prescriptions filled and I found a box of Jujubes by the register.. Oh Heavens!! I love, love, love those!! So, I ate the box while driving home... It's a twenty five mile drive home from the pharmacy - I needed sustenance... I did buy the small box though and enjoyed every last little "be".. What a treat!
After the game, I picked up my GrandAngel and met the Hubs back at home to enjoy a good old fashioned autumn weekend. The weather was just glorious today! Blue skies, orange and red trees... After Church today, we went to a local pumpkin farm. They had the entire farm set up for children - and for us "more experienced" children, too! We explored the corn maze, played in the piles of leaves, we spent time in the corn box (a sand box filled with corn kernels and toys), and picked out a HUGE pumpkin from the patch!! We enjoyed some apple cider and some pumpkin cookies (Sorry Amanda, they weren't vegan either - they're the good old fashioned FAT kind!) before heading back home to carve pumpkinzilla. 
We did manage to get out and golf nine holes today - it was absolutely gorgeous out! Blue skies, 81 degrees.
Our friend J is coming for dinner tonight and we're having some good old fashioned pierogi's we found at a Polish Festival recently. They're yummo!! The kind the little old Polish ladies - Babcia's (Polish for "Grandmother") would make at the Church I grea up in - finger prints and all! That brings back wonderful memories and I am anxious to have the house smelling like pierogi's and onions.. I've made them from scratch a few times with friends - my Grandmother's recipe. It's a job! My friend Pat comes by a couple times a year and we make pierogi's, pasta and ravioli.. The wine flows pretty freely while we're at it, too! We're due for a "cook-fest"...
I went out for the mail today and the brilliance of the sun was burning my retina's! It feels so good to finally have the warm sunshine on on my face once again! I reached into the mailbox and guess what??? It was THERE!! My package finally arrived from the Surgeons office!!! Happy, Happy Joy, Joy! I didn't want to get too excited right at that moment though - it could have been a bill..... That, and, I had spots in front of my eyes and really couldn't see straight as a result of my staring directly at the sunshine that eluded us for so long! I know, bad thing to do - but I hadn't seen blue skies in so long... give me this one. I brought the package in, ripped it open like a four year old and tried to focus on all the pages that were spread out before me - it took awhile for my retina's to return to normal - and right before my very own scarred retina's were six glorious pages of things for me to do!! The ball is rolling - finally! Wow...... 
