Ponderings, Musings And Reflections...

I've taken a little time to reflect on all that has happened in my world the past week, the past month..  the past year.  Introspection is sometimes a really good thing.  My reflections these past days haven't been vicodin induced either (thank heavens..  did I mention I hate that stuff??)..  I can't eat, I might as well reflect, right?   I've pondered the many Dr's visits, weigh-ins, blood work, x-rays, tests too numerous to count..  I've pondered the nail-biting wait to hear if my insurance company deemed me "worthy" to undergo surgery..  I've thought of all the crazy up's and the down's of this roller coaster ride that has lasted pretty much an entire year, and I've pondered my journey over these past seven days..  I've noticed a recurring theme throughout my ponderings, and that theme is - hope.  "Hope" kept me going through the blizzard when I didn't want to drive one hundred miles just to be weighed.  "Hope" pushed me when I couldn't take one more appointment, test, or consult..  "Hope" carried me when I believed that the "holding pattern" I was in would never end..  "Hope" gives me continued strength to hook that terrible CPAP machine (Hannible) up one more night..  I came close to tossing my precious friend, "Hope" when the insurance company denied me for surgery.  Thanks to love, support, and a little butt-whooping, hope was soon restored..

Taken on the drive to the hospital
July 13, 2011

Hope...  Six days ago I was admitted to the hospital to undergo lap-band surgery. "Hope" was there from the get-go.  Where else would I have found the motivation to be up and about at the wee hours of the middle of the night!  Hope held my hand during the seemingly endless procedures, poking, and prodding throughout the entire pre-op phase..  Hope dried my tears as I was being wheeled to the operating room..  Yes, there were tears.. Welled up tears in the absolute terror I was feeling at that precise moment.  Tears that were asking "what am I doing to myself??"..  "Why...?"   Hope wiped them away in a kiss..  Hope was with me, holding my hand as I woke up in the recovery room..  The first question I asked after "coming-to" was..  "Am I skinny yet??" - that's Hope...

Hope helped me into bed, walked with me to the restroom making sure I didn't get tangled up in IV tubes and heart monitors, brushed my hair as I slept in an anaesthesia/vicodin induced coma..  Cleaned me up and helped me to change after the blueberry Popsicle incident.. You don't want to know..  Walked with me to the window across the hall to watch the glorious sunset over Lake Erie.

       - All because it needed to be done to move forward..

Throughout this journey we call life, hope has carried me every step of the way regardless of whether I felt "hopeful" or not..  I've come to realize that the power of  "hope" exists in many forms, that indeed hope does exist..  It is up to us to discover the hope in our lives.  The one who supports me and loves me has been the face of my hope for the past thirty years..   Now he walks with me into The Rest of my Life.  He has huge, soft brown eyes, hands which are rough and tender, a heart created to love..  He has faith in me and gives me his all...  I am incredibly blessed that he is ...

                                                                                          ...my hope   

 

Until Next Time!