Ok.. Now for some heartbreaking, self indulging, soul searching, truth here.. I've been happy on our vacation.. Extatic - most of the time. I have had moments that have brought me to tears though.. Private tears, as to avoid looking like a miserable, spoiled, drama queen.. You know what I mean.. Take a shower, cry your eyes out kind of moments.. Then return to the group and wipe it all away with a dirty martini, all smiles.. All is good. I've gone through a miriad of emotions these past two weeks that have left me bereft, bewildered and betwixt.. To set the stage of my roller coaster of emotions, it has been almost a month - ONE month - since my "case has been under review" (per the insurance coordinator - her words). I've not heard anything. Nothing. Nada. I've called and called, only to be told "..still in review" each time. This is complete BS.. I've read and know of folks with Aetna Insurance who receive approval in days... One MONTH?? One freaking month?? And I'm still "in review"?? So, my anxiety over approval is the baseline.. Add the bajillion pictures of all of us taken at the beach, the pool, the hot tub... Normally I feel really nice, well put together with my tan, well coordinated with my suit and a wrap - I've never been one to shy away from the camera on vacation.. Not this year. Pictures of me look like one big, huge, brown, rectangle wrapped in a colorful wrap.. Simply awful. I am dreadfully ashamed of how awful I look..
Add to that my absolutely attractive bulging, swollen eyes from my C-pap, and you get the picture.. All I can see while going throuKgh this excruciating insurance wait is a brown, shapeless rectangle with droopy, swollen, bulgy eyes, wheezing and grasping for air while I climb the sand dune to get to the beach with my wonderfully impatient GrandAngel... Yes, I cried...
He caught me teary eyed one morning and asked in his precious two year old way... "you happy??". I cried again. Not sad tears this time, but tears overflowing from my heart full of love... This amazing, wonderful, little human being keeps me strong and gives me hope to carry on..
Have a terrific weekend!
Until next time..
9 * Your Comments Make My Day Brighter!:
I can't believe they're still giving you the run-around. I would call and say something like, "Is there any piece of information I could give you to speed the process up?" Or better yet, call the insurance company yourself, see what the hold-up is. :(
I'm sorry it's been such an emotional time, but maybe that's just what the doctor ordered. *hugs*
I'm sorry you're still in limbo, Lisa. It doesn't seem right.
I think the tears are natural-- when you make up your mind to be ok with yourself even when you're fat, there is a strength in that that is diminished once you realize that no, you're not ok with it and you'd like it to change. The hard truth is that I'm much more self-conscious about my body now at size 12 than I was when I was a 3-4x. Now don't get me wrong, the benefits FAR outweigh the costs, but there are definite sad times to go along with the happy during this process.
Hang in there. I KNOW this will happen for you.
aww.. hang in there.. it will being coming soon,and then those tears will turn to tears of joy.. make memories.. and stay positve..
Oh lovey, it's understandable, the pressure of waiting is just awful, this process has been going on for so long for you. I really really hope that you get good news soon. Am thinking of you x
I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I will say a prayer that you hear something this week!
Lisa, dear....
First of all...can I tell you how absolutely jealous I have been of you at the Outer Banks??...that has been our vacation spot for 20+ years. I've been up and down that strip of land through thick and thin (if you know what I mean), filled with wine and gin, loving every grain of sand and blow of the wind. We missed last year and will miss it again this year. Forgive me while I cry...8-(
Trust me, I know exactly what you are feeling. First let me tell you that even though the time you've waited is pure torture and it feels soooo long, I can confidently assure you that it's not long in lapband approval time. I began the journey in January, sent in my paperwork in March and did not get my approval until....gulp....JUNE. Keep calling and checking and screaming if you must....do not give up the dream!!! Your Lapband is waiting for you...I just know it!!!
BTW....love the idea of renewing your wedding vows on the beach. We are headed into our 30 anniversary as well. We are hoping to celebrate it with a trip through Napa and Sonoma....we'll renew our vows in the vineyards, laying over a barrel singing Bruce songs!!! Then, we'll cap it off with a martini toast. That's how we roll....
Can't wait to see your pictures..
Dry your tears, my dear....have another martini. I'll join you....just let me know when!
Onward!
Judi
Hi Lisa...big hug...I hope you hear good news soon.
I have been gone for the past 10 days at the beach myself. We took no computer just our phone. Our beach house doesn't even have a tv. Let me tell you it was wonderful. I read 4 books including a 650 page one that was half in french! I was very proud!
I had moments just like those before my surgery was scheduled. Matter of fact I am quite positive that you gave me "chin up" comments that helped me through.
No one can make this process fast and I have no idea why for some it takes days and others months. But I feel for sure that there is sunshine just on the other side for you. zyou'll get the news that you want. Doesn't mean the waiting isn't hell.
Thinking of you! ~A
Awww...hon.. Hang in there! I'd be buzzing the insurance company directly and hounding them every day. I'm annoying like that though. Your approval will come. I just know it.
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